Shaken By Life’s Beauty, Shaken

As I found myself at another depressing day at work with nothing to do (after about three consecutive months with nothing to do) I’ve started to find sites to visit and other things to do to fill my time when I would normally be working.
I found this article on Leo Babauta’s blog and wanted to share it with my readers.

It starts with this quote and then goes on with Leo’s writing from there. Enjoy:

“You lethargic, waiting upon me,
waiting for the fire and I
attendant upon you, shaken by your beauty

Shaken by your beauty
Shaken.”

~William Carlos Williams

“This morning I awoke, meditated in the quiet dark empty room, and then went to make my coffee.

The world outside is wet, and the raindrops patter upon the leaves of the lemon tree, with its bursts of bright yellow.

My kids and Eva asleep, at peace.

And as I drink my coffee I think of you, dear reader.

And I am struck by the beauty of this world, and the fragile human lives struggling to make their way within it.

And shaken.

The pain and stress and anger and sadness and loneliness and frustration and fear and cravings and irritations that we will experience today … they are made up. We can let them go as easily as they arise. They are unnecessary, if we realize that we’ve created them for no good reason.

Instead, see the beauty in every moment. In every person’s so human actions. In our own frailties and failures.

This world is a morning poem, and we have but to see it to be shaken by its beauty, over and over.”

Post written by Leo Babauta.

Sadly I feel shaken almost everyday I go to work. I feel shaken because there is no stimulation for me. I enjoy being busy and enjoy having things that keep me busy. However I have to look at the situation as it is: beautiful.

I’ve felt each of the emotions Leo write’s about while sitting at my desk for 8 hours a day with nothing to do: The pain, stress, anger, sadness, loneliness, frustration, fear cravings and irritation.

I’m working on taking one hour at a time during the day and finding something to do while we have nothing to do. The hour should be beautiful and not something that causes pain, sadness or irritation which I’ve let it do to my life.

Sara Sawochka

Project Friendship Bread: Vegan and Non-Vegan

I received a non-vegan Amish friendship bread starter at work today. I accepted it with the intention of making it for Pete. He always complains that I never bake for him anymore. Pete is a vegetarian so there’s nothing in there that he cannot eat.

After pondering a little more carefully on it I thought to myself, “There has to be a vegan version of friendship bread out there somewhere.” I found what looks like a good recipe so I printed it out and will make it at home in the next few days.

The plan is to make the vegan and non-vegan versions of the starters and see how they turn out. Pete will be the taste tester since he will eat both versions!

Once we’ve made both starters I’ll post the recipes and the results. And the best part: if you want a vegan or non-vegan starter just let me know and I’ll spread the Amish friendship around!

I’ve been looking for a good project to do since The End of the Broken Clavicle Bone Vegan Project came to a halt. So this will be a good project for me to continue on with!

Sara Sawochka

Inhumane Use of Gestation Crates For Mother Pigs

I feel the use of gestation crates on mother pigs is inhumane and cruel.

Iowa State University conducted a two-and-a-half year long economic comparison of gestation crates and group housing and found that “reproductive performance can be maintained or enhanced in well-managed group housing systems…without increasing labor.” Overall, the study found that “group housing…resulted in a weaned pig cost that was 11 percent less than the cost of a weaned pig from the individual stall confinement system.”

Animal welfare scientist Dr. Temple Grandin says, “We’ve got to treat animals right, and gestation stalls have got to go.” She continues, “Confining an animal for most of its life in a box in which it is not able to turn around does not provide a decent life.”

Thankfully non-profits such as Mercy For Animals campaign against these cruel practices. Click here to find out more about the Mercy For Animals campaign.

Sara Sawochka

Notice Me

Notice me, notice me, someone please notice me. Please validate my existence. Please compliment me when I do a good job. Please acknowledge if I’ve made a mistake. Yell at me. Hug me. Bug me. Just don’t ignore me. These thoughts rolled around in her mind as she walked down the street. Tears streaming down her face. She was on her break at 3:15pm in the afternoon from work. She just wanted it to end. She wanted it over. What was the point of feeling the pain anymore. “NO!” her boyfriend shouted on the other line as she cried to him on the other end, “Please just end it. Please let it be over. I don’t want to feel this way anymore.” She kept walking and knelt down on the cold concrete in tears and a van passed her and came to a sudden halt. Gray clouds passed over her on that blustery, autumn October day and rustled her curly, blonde hair and brown-colored shirt. A woman got out and asked her if she needed help or wanted a ride somewhere. It struck her that someone cared. A stranger cared enough to stop and see if she needed help.

If you’ve ever been touched by depression then you know what it can feel like. Depression can get to the point where you do want to end your life. Without help or any kind of medication regulation, depression really can get to that point. Sadness can be so strong, you can’t stop crying. The beautiful thing about a depressed person is that they won’t end their lives because they’re too depressed to do anything about it. However, a depressed and highly anxious person is someone to worry about. Anxiety and depression can breed panic attacks which are moments when you can’t stop crying or can’t breathe. Everyone is different.

Eight years later she spoke to her husband on the phone and said, “I can’t stand feeling this way anymore. I really want it over.” Her husband cried “NO!” on the other end of the line. She was on her lunch break from work and sitting in her car talking to her husband over using her Bluetooth connection in the car. She couldn’t fix anything. She couldn’t get her medications regulated. In the depression world they’re called “meds.” This time it felt like no one was helping. No one knew how to help except the doctor. Until then she just had to deal with it. Feeling alone and like you have no one to help you is the worst feeling ever. There’s no feeling worse than feeling alone and unnoticed.

Depression isn’t something that a person can help sometimes. And it can be hidden even in the peppiest of Facebook posts or the happiest-looking person. Watch for sadness. It can be all around and you may have missed it and never even noticed.

She knew depression wasn’t something to be ashamed of. It was a dance she knew well. It was like a flirty cha-cha that wouldn’t ever go away. It was always there tempting and tormenting her at the same time. Being alone all day at work with only the grunt of your boss with a hello in the morning. Being alone at the gym in the late afternoon. Seeing her spouse for a 1/2 hour at night before going to bed. It’s hard being alone.

Life is dealing with ups and downs. Emotions go up and down. Don’t end it. It’s better to live it. You just need to get through the downs to see the ups. It’s worth it even though it doesn’t feel like it at the time.

Sara Sawochka

Veganmania

Happiness is when you’re with your friends and your tummies are full at the Veganmania event in Chicago!

I went with Shawn and Pete. There is a picture of a spring roll down below along with a gyros sandwich, a meatball sandwich and a Hostess-style cupcake too.

Life was good to us that day!

The Last of the Season

“So this is it, huh?” she asked as they walked down the sidewalk. The Apple Cider Century was already in place. Riders were zooming back and forth from the parking lot to the registration area and to the start and finish line. We got to Three Oaks, MI for the Apple Cider Century around 9:00am Michigan time. It was a pleasant drive up. My poor bird with his broken wing came up with me to enjoy the day. He looked at me and said, “You mean ‘this is it’ for the season?” he asked me? “Yep,” I replied sadly. Pete said, “You had a really good season. Enjoy this last tour and then you can rest and get prepped for next year.”

Pete was right. It was time to put my bike away and get ready for next season. But I still had one more ride left in me for the year. It turned out to be a quarter of a century ride because of severe sleeplessness but that’s okay. The day was beautiful and I so enjoyed this last ride of my race season.

The Apple Cider Century is a bicycle tour. A tour is not a race. It’s a relaxed reason to ride anywhere up to 100 miles. I love it. You show up with your helmet and your bike and you take off. There are SAG stops along the way with food (often vegan!) to eat and, in this case, cider to drink. People are so friendly no matter what distance you are doing.

As I picked walked my bike to the race line I had a feeling that today was going to be a tough ride for me and I turned out to be right. I hadn’t and haven’t been sleeping well and that always hinders my athletic performance. Quite honestly it turns me into a weeping, whining baby. And that’s ok. It’s my event and I can act how I want to act as long as I don’t bother anyone in the process.

I was supposed to do the Apple Cider Century with Pete but since he broke his collar bone there was no way that was an option. I missed my little bird with his broken wing bound in a sling. I think psychologically he would’ve helped me get through the 37 miles I’d wanted to ride instead of giving up and only doing the 25 miles which I knew I could finish. I was falling asleep at the wheel of my bike so it’s a good thing I turned back, but there’s always something to be said for a buddy that will keep you awake and not let you down. A good buddy, whether it’s a running or biking or swimming buddy, will not let you down.

As I started my tour I noticed how crisp the air was and how the fall breezes wrapped themselves around my body and gave my bones that cool chill. I coasted at first until I got to the first country road and picked up the pace a little bit. Then I saw it…the first hill. No matter what you read about Michigan, if you read the word “flat” don’t believe it. Michigan doesn’t have flat hills. In fact, flat and hills shouldn’t be in the same sentence with the exception of this blog post!

The Michigan colors were exquisite. There were so many sights to be seen like a mother and daughter on a tandem bike and their dad behind them pulling the dog in a bike trailer. I noticed a Christmas tree farm with lots of baby trees, a few daddy trees and one full grandfather tree. Off in the distance was a bright, orange maple tree burning like a beacon in distance. My favorite sight of all was seeing the leaves fall from the trees and twirl and dance around as they got caught in a breath of air and then waver as they shimmied to the ground. I remember as a girl crunching through large leaf piles in the fall and it gave me a good memory of my mother.

No matter how many sights I describe to you I can’t describe how much I wanted to have a buddy there to share the sights with me. There was no one to chatter with about how beautiful the fall colors were or laugh at me as my porta-john got broken into because I forgot to lock the door! Oops!

Hopefully my little man with the broken wing can go with me next year.

Tours are so relaxing compared to races. Tours are about being with people and experiencing the sights. Races are about getting it done. I like both experiences for different reasons. Sometimes having the clock is a good thing and sometimes using your senses to get you through the ride is a good thing.

This time I used my senses. I intend to incorporate both next year.

As I crossed the finish line whiny and cranky my broken wing was there to greet me and take my picture. I put my bike back inside when we got home and wished it fair well for the winter. My “season” of racing and touring is over until next year. Next year will hopefully hold great things in store for me. I’m running a half marathon this winter and doing a training program for it through Fleet Feet Sports. I’ve got a half Ironman program all picked out. Once my tattoos heal I’ll be back in the pool. And I plan on pumping my pistons at some spinning classes once or twice a week. And for cross training there’s always pole dance!

Lessons learned this season: always look for a buddy. I missed having a good buddy this season. I made it through somehow without one. The one time I got a buddy he wound up cracking his collarbone. So I’m looking for another running/biking/swimming buddy. If you want to be that person then just email me! I’ve done 5 triathlons and two tours this summer. I didn’t do hardly any running this season so I will be working on that next.

Sara Sawochka

Meet My Foodie Pen Pal: Leigh Ann!

The box was waiting for me outside on my front porch on a blustery, chilly fall day. It was gloomy and cloudy outside and there sat the box that would brighten my mood after a day at work.

The box from Leigh Ann!

Smooth purple tissue paper was wrapped around lots of goodies inside the box. Oh it was hard to resist the urge to tear the paper into shreds and not keep it nice. I was able to recycle it for my foodie pen pal who also happens to love the color purple.

The inside of the box. What are the contents?

Here’s what was in the box!

We start with some delectable fruit snacks. These tasted really good with no added sugar. They gave your mouth a good chomp for fruit snacks.

Fruit snacks from Leigh Ann!

After the sweet, you gotta go salty. There were some yummy pistachios in this box that came in quite handy one day at work when I was hungry and looking for something to nosh on. Here’s a clue: you cannot eat the shell! I tried and it doesn’t work!

Oh how I love Pistachios!

For breakfast, Leigh Ann sent me some oatmeal which I wound up purchasing at Costco earlier this week because I liked it so much. I put chia seeds, soy milk, blueberries and a banana in there and mix it all up. It’s fabulous!

Raw oatmeal from Leigh Ann.

After breakfast you must have dinner. What could be better for dinner than a quinoa. Eat it plain, it it with vegan eggs and vegan ham, eat it however you wish just eat it in a dish!

For dessert we have to have chocolate. Through my blog people found out Oreos are vegan and now everyone buys me Oreos. Leigh Ann was no exception. In her letter to me, she said that both she and her husband were skeptical that Oreos were vegan but read the ingredient list and became believers! So here’s what’s becoming my favorite dessert:

The dessert I cannot get enough of!

I also received these from Leigh Ann. I wound up giving these to my foodie pen pal, Alyson, as a way to try and trick her. When I send things to my non-vegan foodie pen pals, I always send one thing that’s not vegan and this was it. It was perfect! It is a brand name everyone knows and that couldn’t possibly be vegan, right? Wrong!

Twilight Delight that I gave to my foodie pen pal Alyson! I have tasted these before and they are delicious!

I saved my favorite for last. This is a jelly from a local farm nearby where Leigh Ann lives and it was fabulous on Ezekiel bread. It went great with organic, crunchy peanut butter for PB&Js. My husband loved it too. Gotta love local!

Blueberry jam from a local farm in Leigh Ann’s town!

This is my second foodie pen pal experience and it has been fabulous. I highly recommend it. If you have any questions for me then please ask me about it. I’d love it if one person tried it this month just to see what it’s like. Here’s a link to the website for newbies to signup. Just click here.

Sara Sawochka

Check Out The Foodie Pen Pal I Had: Alyson Achorn!

You can read about the box she got from me with the Chocolate and Nut Butter theme by clicking right here!

I will be posting about my Foodie Pen Pal, Leigh Ann, and the box she sent me soon!

Sara Sawochka

World Farm Animals Day

World Farm Animals Day (WFAD) is coming up on October 2nd. WFAD is always on October 2nd in correlation to Mahatma Gandhi’s birthday. Gandhi, who was a champion of moral vegetarianism, believed that speaking out on behalf of animals is both a necessity and an obligation.

World Farm Animals Day exposes and memorializes the 65 billion land animals whom suffer and die every day year in the world including the 10 billion of those who die in just the United States alone. The state of our food production system today is disgraceful.

By celebrating World Farm Animals Day on October 2nd, we turn Gandhi’s ideals into action by making visible the cruel and unnecessary tragedy of factory farms and slaughterhouses. WFAD observances are hosted by volunteers in communities in all 50 U.S. states and 2 dozen other countries. Participants include animal protection groups, individual citizens, and everyone in between – anyone who cares about animals is encouraged to join us in this global outcry.

Gandhi said, “Progress does demand at some stage that we should cease to kill our fellow creatures for the satisfaction of our bodily wants.” The less animals that die each year means a better world for all of us.

Sara Sawochka

Gone But Never Forgotten

I felt cold, icy fingers pressing on my shoulders. It was like a cold shawl dipped in ice that had draped itself along my shoulder blades and the coolness thrust through my body like a cold-stone sword. It wasn’t pain I felt. It was more of a whisper of frost whisking its way around my body.

I opened my eyes and saw that I was all alone. No one was there. I cried. He was gone and wasn’t coming back. My beloved Pete was gone from me. He died in a tragic car accident. I was alone now—all alone.

I was awake and the dawning sun was peering through my window curtains and peeking around the shades. I had learned to hate the sun. Since he left me sunlight was always a reminder that I shouldn’t be sad. It was a reminder to go out and enjoy life and yet it was the last thing I wanted to do.

I punched my hand into the mattress and felt the coils spring back into my fingers. It hurt for a moment. That hurt I felt made me realize that I was still alive and had to move forward. I couldn’t curl up under the covers, cry, hide and wait for him to come back to me because he wasn’t going to.

I forced myself to do three simple things everyday since he died: take a shower, brush my teeth and get dressed. Doing these things took effort. The sadness I felt inside was like a brick pulling at my heart and the tears that would pool up in my eyes would make me panic uncontrollably. I still had to move on. I still had to punch the mattress and keep going.

After dressing myself in my dark denim jeans, high-heeled black boots and grey sweater, I wandered downstairs to look outside. It was fall now and the maple trees shone with their glossy orange, yellow and red leaves. Beauty no camera could ever capture. Autumn is a fleeting season. There are only a few short days that are truly crisp and sunny with fresh autumn air.

I made myself some oatmeal with almond milk and berries for breakfast. I paid some bills. I checked my Facebook page. Then I went outside to the garage. I looked at 2 cars staring back at me. One was Pete’s car and the other was mine. I decided to take my car that day which was a simple, white, speedy Toyota Corolla. After backing the car down the driveway and putting it in reverse, I decided to just drive somewhere. I didn’t know where I was going. I just drove. I wound up at my favorite place we used to go: Indiana Dunes. It was where we had our second date. It was also a beautiful place to enjoy the fresh, autumn day.

I took my boots off and rolled my pant-legs up and started to walk through the sand letting it squish and squash in between my toes. I let the water of Lake Michigan wash up my legs and splash backwards and repeat. The water wrapped itself around my feet in a complete circle, like it was giving me a hug and then it was gone so quickly. It was like my life with Pete. After eight years together and nearly 6 months of marriage, it was all gone like that.

I put my head down into the wind, slouched my shoulders and shoved my hands in my pocket as I felt the breeze off the lake roll around my body. I sauntered on down the lakeshore with no purpose. Tears came rolling down my cheek. The wind rustled my long, golden curls which got stuck in the tears that streamed down my face. As I wiped my hair out of my eyes, I stopped suddenly and looked up. I’d nearly tripped over someone’s feet.

“I’m so sorry sir,” I said as I continued to apologize profusely. I’d nearly run over an old, weathered-looking man who I’d seen here but had never talked too. Pete and I had seen him there often. Pete and I had never made the time to stop and talk to him. He spoke to me softly and gently, “Why are you alone today beautiful woman?” he asked. I told him my spouse had passed on. He spoke to me one more time before moving on saying, “You must not cry over what you’ve lost young one but of what you didn’t have.”

Suddenly I a three sharp taps on my shoulder rousing me from my sleep. “Sara, Sara, wake up—you’ll be late for work,” said the voice. With teary eyes I looked up and saw Pete looking back at me wearing his lavender shirt and black pants and radiant smile. I hugged him quickly. I woke up immediately.

The dream I’d had reminded me how short life is and how, when I do lose Pete, I can’t cry over what we didn’t have but remember the good times we did have.

Make every moment count.

I love you Pete.

Sara Sawochka